Ladies, I beg of you. Every weekend, I see you stumbling around in crowded bars, wearing towering heels that you clearly can’t walk in and hobbling down the street like a baby horse just learning to walk.
Don’t buy heels you can’t walk in. I don’t care if they’re ‘sooooo adorable’ or if they ‘go with your outfit!’ I don’t care, really. That adorable outfit that you so carefully put together is being ruined by the ungraceful vision of you shuffling and wincing on painful, blistered and shoe-bitten feet. It would be way cuter if you were wearing something you could stand in.
Shoes are an addictive drug, I know — once you start, there is no stopping you. They make you look taller, lift up your behind, make your legs look fabulous. But if they don’t fit right as soon as you put them on, please put them away. For all intent and purposes: I LOVE shoes. I have tons of them — super high, pointy, flats… the list goes on. But, the painful ones?
I never wear them. Why would I want to wear something that has the ability to ruin a perfect night? I leave that luxury to men and bartenders, thank you.
For heels to be comfortable and for you to stay a woman and not morph into a hobbling nymph — they have to fit your foot. There has to be some support from your soles to your heels, arches! I’m not saying you need platforms or Dr Scholl’s, but the shoe needs to fit and cradle your foot. Yes, Cinderella wouldn’t have been a princess if her shoe didn’t fit, but this isn’t something you should take to heart.
I’m not asking you to spend wads of cash on shoes for them to be comfortable. One of my favourite pairs is actually heels I picked up from Zara. They were pretty inexpensive, I could live in them all day and the heel wasn’t too high to cause a lot of shock or pain. Can I say the same about some more expensive pairs I just HAD to buy? No. They’re beautiful, but so, so dangerous.
Which brings me to my next point — the ideal heel is about three inches, with enough space to move your toes. Do you want corns and bunions? No. Then stop squashing your feet in stilts that you can’t move in. Here’s another tip I learned from my mum: when you’re wearing heels hold your head high. Focus on your posture: shoulders back, chest and head lifted. Don’t carry all your weight on your hips and thighs. (Do this always, actually)
If you absolutely must wear those shoes tonight: have a maximum of three strong cocktails. Any less and they’ll still hurt. Anymore, and you’ll be a sloppy mess with her shoes in her hand, on the pavement. Behave like a lady, not a baby horse.
(The writer is a reporter with TNIE, a hopeless romantic who loves to read, and would like a bottle of wine attached to an IV)